hip-hop, the simpsons & wrestling

The site done moved!

2006-08-31T17:27:00.000+02:00

We - meaning me - are no longer at blogspot, you can peep us - meaning me - at the new domain: www.hiphopsimpsonsandwrestling.com.

Word...Life, it ain't nothing like the original

2006-06-22T13:05:00.000+02:00

Yeah! OC and El The Sensei came thru and rocked the instore at City Fellaz in a major major way. El did his thing and respect to Artifacts but OC really pulled out the big guns.

Addressing the youngsters standing in front he said he felt in awe that they knew who OC and Diggin' In The Crates were. Then asked us to throw L handsigns in the air for Big L before he launched into Dangerous, The Return of Crooklyn Dodgers, War Games and of course Time's Up! Anyone who thinks John Cena's Word Life is the original article should be sure to pick up OC's masterpiece debut Word...Life, you'll not be disapointed.

On top of that OC was a real nice down to earth fella that even thanked me for buying the records I wanted autographed. See 'em below:

Bruce "I hate hip-hop" Willis making rap-soap?

2006-06-20T20:24:00.000+02:00

Okay I knew something was wrong as soon as I heard the news. I mean, I dig Bruce Willis I think he was great in the 6th Sense and off the hook in 12 Monkeys, but it just didn't add up. The admitted member of the Republican party, Planet Hollywood owning, presently living in Trump Towers, Bruce Willis is executive producing a rap music soap??

I guess he is. It's called Word Life, in a move that'll surely upset some John Cena fans, I mean Chain Gang members, out there. You can view the trailer here in all its glory.

This is just plain wrong for a couple of reasons but they didn't dawn on me right away. The first one is obvious. Remember The Last Boy Scout? It Willis in the role of bad-ass detectice Joe Hallenbeck and it featured a conversation that went like this:

Milo: You think you are so fucking cool, don't you? You think you are so fucking cool. But just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain...

Joe Hallenbeck: Play some rap music.

You may think that's just Willis acting, plus he was for god knows which reason signed to Motown Records so he obviously appreciates black music in general. But after a while I realised I had actually read Bruce Willis hates rap in real life as well. It was the book "Naked Under Our Clothes" by former Yo! MTV Raps hosts Dr Dre & Ed Lover. I bought it in Chicago like ten years ago, read it quickly and haven't really flipped thru it since. But somehow the quote stuck in my head anyways of Ed Lover and Bruce Willis exchanging opinions. I've scanned the conversation for you here:

Yeah, that's right, Bruce Willis ain't got love for us, so why should he make money off of us? In the words of all-mighty OC (who by chance I hope will sign this album tomorrow) "Word life...it ain't nothing like the original!"

Reaping the benefits of blogging

2006-06-20T16:28:00.000+02:00

As the mighty Stetsasonic once proclaimed on Talkin' All That Jazz "What you reap is what you sow", well after having rocked this funky blog for over a year, some blogging benefits are starting to show.

First off, when my friend Ann Noyd, multitalented artist and hip-hop commentator, traveled to Japan she was kind enough to bring me back a present. Now this is from Tokyo so it could really have been anything ranging from sushi to ricecakes. But knowing my passion for professional wrestling from The hip-hop, the simpsons and wrestling blog, she brought me something from the Tokyo dome. The Tokyo dome plays host to many events but New Japan Pro Wrestling also have their events here, and wrestlers such as Hulk Hogan, Terry Funk and Chris Benoit have wrestled in it, and of course national legends such as Antonio Inoko (owner) and Masahiro Chono have had their share of glory within the squared circle there.

In any case she brought me back an awsome New Japan Pro Wrestling mini-titlebelt which is now prominently featured attatched to my mp3-player. Thanks a million Ann!

Secondly and more related to blogging as such and not so much The hip-hop, the simpsons and wrestling as blogging in general the people behind Gam3 streetbasket have asked me to be their liveblogger for their annual tour around Denmark's streetbasket courts. While I'm most certainly appreciative, it comes as a slight surprise as my prior engagement to Gam3 included a rap-set for their finale-show in Copenhagen, which I guess went all right. The second set the same night at Rust, however, did far from that, as I had no DJ, was slightly tipsy and only had the instrumental for one song. This resulted in me doing a sort of stand-up act comprised of blue humour and vicious personal insults.

In other words, the good people at Gam3 are either really overbearing or do in fact read this blog from time to time. I definitely give daps to them also, and look forward to their tour round the country in the beginning of July. Come check us out!

Gimmie dat design foo, it's the blog with a new look

2006-06-20T16:09:00.000+02:00

As you may have noticed, I've tried to change the look of the hip-hop, the simpsons and wrestling blog lately. Upon doing so I figured a selfmade background would be more stylish than something readymade. Yet, I just don't have the time for a great design at the moment, so I ended up stealing one from Koba of Model Minority, an awsome rapper who I hung out with on mIRC back in the day-o.

Neat, right?

When I get the time I'll hit you with something designed just for the blog, but as the following update should disclose I'm kinda hung up these days :-) Oh, and by the way, my counter was somehow reset doing the process, so if you check it, it doesn't mean I've had zero trafic - though probably close to it - just that it hasn't be tallied.

Norwegian rapper with (nasty) Simpsons gimmick

2006-06-13T00:23:00.000+02:00

Gotta love people giving their own take om The Simpsons these days. First we had Masta Ace's Spread It Out getting love on the radio, and now our Norwegian brotherbloggers are upping their game as well.

Skurkesprett, seriously deranged MC from Stavanger (aka Sta-BANGER) has opted to use the above pic as cover art for his new release. Defaming all of the cast may seem a little harsh, but hey, props for having non-regulars such as Fat Tony and Kearney featured so prominently!

You can visit Skurkesprett on myspace, and oh, according the foamfinger rating system we award his coverart one of these:

Masta Ace, The Simpsons and this Blog - almost - makes it to the radio

2006-05-22T15:20:00.000+02:00

Last Saturday during the broadcast of Klub P3 on Danish National radio this here blog almost came into play. The reason being Szirhley Nova Beanca Rasmussen (sic) asked Noize, veteran battle DJ, if he remembered whether Masta Ace had rocked over a sample of this Simpsons theme. Noize wasn't quite sure, so he came up with this reply. To my knowledge there's never been played a PTA track on Noize's show, but thanks for the shout in any case :-)

Naturally here at the hiphop, the simpsons & wrestling we follow all hybrids of our three spearhead topics, so Masta Ace's "Spread It Out" is a classic to us. Produced by Domingo is first saw light on his "Game Over" compilation which had a comic/videogame theme. Aside this track it had "Supa Brooklyn" (Smif N Wessun rocking over the theme for Super Mario Bros), a spliced together collabo between Ace and Eminem and a lot of forgetful crud. But peep the track, it's double tempo and Ace does his thing with Homer ad lips.

Of course we expect this to be the beginning of a host of media coverage for the blog, so cheers Szhirley and Noize.

Phun Phact: Szhirley herself has covered The Simpsons theme on the short vignette that functions as the opening for Den Gale Pose's Definitionen af en stodder album.

Not Ms. Teasley but Gisli be doin' his dang!

2006-05-17T17:51:00.000+02:00

One of my favorite rappers is this guy called Gisli. As you can tell by the name he's of Islandic descent, but got all his street knowledge dippin' thru the back-streets of Horsens.

He's known for his ability to bring his creativity into projects with great variation. You may remember him from my autograph post, in which he had signed his first EP, which was straight hiphop, but since then he's rocked everything from jazz-hop with the Lucie Baines trio to bossanova rap with legendary house-dj Kenneth Bager. In all the projects his managed to convey his own style with a passionate and very sencire delivery. As of right now you can check him soon guesting Ibi Støvrings new song and video.

What people may not know is dude is heavily into down-south rap. Not just in the regular "My main influences are Jay-Z and Rakim but I can listen to Scarface and Andre3000 without becoming physical ill"-way, he is a genuine fan of everything from Three 6 Mafia to Trick Daddy and Lil Jon. That said he's also way nerdy in some areas, and at more than one occation I've dared him to rhyme Gisli on Ms. Teasley the principal of West Beverly High from Beverly Hills 90210.

He combined my request with his passion for the dirty-dirty and made an impromptu rhyme on his site www.myspace.com/gisli, you can find it listed as "podcast". This is indeed a joyous occation for the hiphop, the simpsons & wrestling blog, as it gives me the chance to crack open the brand new foamfinger system. Here's the grade:

That's right, Gisli and his rhyme, not to mention his combination of dirty south and shout to yours truly gives him the highest rating possible and sets the bar high for all future material to be rated.

The hiphop, the simpsons & wrestling blog gets a rating system

2006-05-16T21:00:00.000+02:00

As I've decided to review and/or insult items, events, people and such related to hiphop, the simpsons & wrestling I figured we needed a personalised rating system. While based on Siskel and Ebert's thumb system, it is personalised by the use of foam fingers.

The foam fingers were bought at two different wrestling events; The Hulkamania foam finger is from the WWF European Rampage in Kiel's Kieler Ostsee Halle in 1991, and the other at Summer Slam at London's Wembley Stadium in 1992. They carry the following meaning:

2 foamfingers up: The epitome of greatness. Best thing event. Past, present or future classic.

1 foamfinger up: Pretty cool. Worth spending time on. May have flaws but more than makes up for this in other areas.

No foamfingers: It could go either way. Nothing that would make or break your day.

1 foamfinger down: Definitely not the way to go, and if it does have positive aspects they are overshadowed by the negatives.

2 foamfingers down: How sucky can you get? This sucky!

To be the man - you gotta beat the man

2006-05-14T14:55:00.000+02:00

Battling is alotta things but first and foremost it's a surefire way to avoid writing new material, thus keeping your song production at an absolute minimum. It can however, bring you to crazy ass places and get you in situations where you have to sober up within an eyeblink and get your arsenal of lyrics ready to square off against some famous jamous hotshot, who everybody knows and likes more than you. Here are some of the famous people I've battled:

Eyedea:

The setting was the first Aarhus Took It ever in 2000, after Eyedea and Slug had guested Frez Force's show. For the unaware Eyedea is this youngbuck from St. Paul Minnesota who's down with Rhyme Sayers and at the time was a big part of Slug and Atmosphere's live show. In 2000 he had also won The Scribble Jam, The local Blaze Battle and was on his way to winning the national Blaze battle.

So, I talk a short while to Slug who's this lanky rapper that stares at you with his dead eyes when speaking (I'm surprised he's not a scientologist). I then ask if Eyedea has battled anyone in Europe, and Slug replies no, so being the cocky teen that I almost was I ask why can't I battle him on stage the next day. Slug's smart idea however is to have me battle Eyedea right then and there, leading to me standing in front of this youngster grinning with a gab between his teeth the size of Dave Letterman's and an aura around him that he's unbeatable.

After I've said about a minute and a half of rhymes it only takes him 8 bars to take me down and the rest of his verse is pretty much just a victory showcase. T'was a good learning experience, that paired with losing to Per Vers around the same time reminded me that you need to change mindset when you battle someone much more confident than you, which came in handy over the years.

And yes that's us in the picture. Back then I bleached my hair and everything. Man, what was I on?

Chords:

This battle is kinda funny, 'cause in a lot of ways it was totally unfair. Chords is this Swedish rapper whose rep at the time wasn't that big, but now he's down with Timbuktu and Jujurecords and everybody rightfully considers him the man.

He entered the 2001 MC's Fight Night, as did I and we drew each other in the first round. However he rapped in English in front of a Danish audience and I rapped in Danish so it was really easy to clown him. At the time it was a pretty big win for me, but it did start a trend for a certain MC's Fight Night judge. He's since, as he did in that battle, voted against me every time he had the chance. You can check the battle for yourself here. You can check the battle for yourself.

FEMone:

FEMone is a rapper from Norway with a Chilenian background. He belongs to a crew called Equicez (it means x's in Spanish), and whenever someone asked him about certain rappers he would reply "fuck 'em" hence his name F'EM. I entered this freestyle contest in Oslo called Straight Spittin cause Definite, a friend of mine, who'd end up winning the Norwegian-rhyming part was also entering. It turned kinda ugly during the battle as we both lost our temper a bit, and I ended up losing after a bonus round. But in the end I think it was an entertaining battle, where I got to showcase I'm a lot better at freestyling in English than Danish.

I returned for the Norwegian Rock The Spot freestyle contest a couple years later and won that with FEMone as a judge so I don't think he carries grudges. You can see pics from the battle here, and the events actually ended up in a chapter of Hip Hop Hoder about Norwegian hip-hop which can be read here.

Those are the people I can think of off the dome, that made most of a name for themselves. Holla back tho if you want more warstories from the battlefields, cause I've cunningly saved a few tales. I'm glad I got to face off against some of the people that I like to call friends such as Strøm, Jøden, C-Style and Per Vers over the years, but as I'll be a judge as this years Fight Night I'm winding down my battle-career these days.

I have a blog!?

2006-05-13T17:03:00.000+02:00

Dang.

I musta just plum forgot.

Anyways, summer came early round here. (assumingly as compensation for spring being about a season late) so I've been spending alotta time in the real world.

What's really good? Well, I've been hired as a judge for The MC's Fight Night competition after 6 years of loyal freestyle service, of course I'm really grateful for that. I've caught up on The Simpsons again - having seen all the episodes of season 17 so far, hopefully there'll be some blogging about that.

Thursday I was the host at a one-day hip-hop festival in Elsinor. It was all kinda hectic, but I did get to hang out with J-Ro and watch an awsome showcase by Warlocks in front of 10 people at 2 o'clock at night.

So now that me and the blog be reacqainted I promise to hit y'all off with some more fun stuff in the nearer future.

Acey and I

2006-04-06T22:21:00.000+02:00

So I met Aceyalone last night. That's pretty crunk if I may say so myself. Even in you're a diehard hiphophead you might not know him, or know of his total impact. But for the knownots just imagine he's like Rakim and Kool Keith wrapped together in a west coast package. First he rocked a hella good show, then afterwards he shook hands and auto'ed agraphs. As you know I collect, so that's a nice addition. Thanks to the good people at Mid Week Brakes for letting me in and even attempting to set up an impromtu interview. Short update. I'll leave you with this:

"Maybe y'all can fall in y'all zone, if all y'all get a little more stoned, ring ding ding, there's a call on the phone *hold up who dis?*...it's ACEYALONE!!!" - Golden Mic.

Trouble on Myspace: DJ Scratch vs. Scratchator

2006-03-15T19:00:00.000+01:00

So I'm a big fan of Myspace. I've added Rakim, The Rocker Marty Janetty and numerous other legends to my profile within the first week. Each time I add someone I usually leave a quick comment telling the person I really respect their work or whatnot. They usually never reply if they're bignamed artists, but all of a sudden I got an email answer back - from none other than the legendary DJ Scratch from EPMD!

Oh joy, I thought, but come to show it's not a pretty e-mail. See I had sent him a comment calling him Scratchator, thinking that was his new name while performing for Busta Rhymes. Busta Rhymes is fund of dinosaurs so it'd make sense with the namechange (remember the line "I always roam thru the forest / like a brontosaurus" from Abandon Ship). How ever this was not the case. See, this was the DJ Scratch that had produced for EPMD, PMD, FLIPMODE and a host of others. The one who had brung it back, when Erick Sermon asked "Yo Paul, bring it back" and the one who won numerous DJ contests, sometimes while scratching with his penis. However, DJ Scratchator he was not. In fact he thought that DJ Scratchator was a bit of a poser, as you can see by our following e-mail conversation:

In any case I wish DJ Scratch good luck in his career, and as it says on his website: there are many DJ's named Scratch - but only one is legendary. See you next update, I'm off to offend more people on Myspace!

The Rev and The Hulkster talk 2. season

2006-03-12T21:38:00.000+01:00

At first I couldn't believe it. But it was actually happening before my very eyes. I'm at the press-conference for the dual launch of the second seasons of Run's House and Hogan Knows Best. Most people thought reality TV would play out after Puck got kicked of The Real World; who the hell would wanna be see another spin on The Osbournes? How could you possibly find someone to rival Ozzy when it came to legend status, rehabilitated drugabuse, and general craziness? Turns out the 80's icons Hulk Hogan and Run of Run-DMC were right around the corner. We - I mean me - here at the hiphop, the simpsons and wrestling blog was lucky enough to get an exclusive interview with the two gentlemen, as they announced the sophomore seasons of their shows. What follows here is a word by word transcript:

It's great to see you gentlemen, how are you today?

Hulk Hogan: Well let me tell you something mean Pete, it's a great feeling for me, to get the
chance to have all the little Hulkamaniacs out there enjoy another season of the Hulkster doing what he does best: Walk around in my underwear while overprotecting my teenage daughter, brother!

Swell, and how about you Reverend Run, are you also excited?

Reverend Run: Good morning. Have you ever concidered that there is no better leader than example. When I show the world my family I am holding up a mirror of every family in the world, from Hollis to Hollywood. God is love.

Could we have a little back history on what made you two icons?

Hulk Hogan: When I held Andre The Giant over my head and bodyslammed him at Wrestlemania III infront of 93000+ people. The weight of his 700 lbs body made the ring collapse and he died a few months after.

Really? I thought the official attendence at Wrestlemania III was around 78.000. And you didn't lift him over your head, you had him at shoulder height. And wasn't he around 520 lbs? And hey wait, didn't he die in 1993, six years after Wrestlemania?

Hulk Hogan: Let me tell you brother, when I had Andre the Giant cinched up in the launch position, when I slammed him through the Trump Plaza, brother! From New York, down to Tampa, Florida, the fault line brokek off! And as Andre the Giant fell into the ocean! As my next two opponents fell to the ocean floor and I pinned ‘em, so did Donald trump and all the Hulkamaniacs! But as Donald Trump hung on to the top of the Trump Plaza, with his family under his other arm, as they Sank, to the bottom of the sea. Thank god Donald Trump’s a Hulkamaniac! He knew enough to let go of his materialistic possessions, hung on to the wife and kids, dog paddled with his life all the way to safety! But something happened, Donald ran out of gas, and all those little Hulkamaniacs, they just hung on to the largest back in the world, and I dog paddled us, backstroked all of us to safety!

Cool, I don't think we'll get much further with this. How about you Run, what are your credidentials?

Reverend Run: Here's a little story 'bout a boy named Joey, king of the world got a very long story. Made alotta money, lived a life of glory. Did what he done but he end up sorry.

Oh that's too bad, what made you end up sorry?

Reverend Run: Joe was a leader way before his time, made by the people and he kicked much rhyme, had a two-seater and he rode past signs, smoked alotta cheeba and he drank much wine.

That's terrible then what happened?

Reverend Run: One day Joey had to stop his scheme, got a revalation and came back clean, got a second chance to fulfill his dream, now Joey is a reverend and he's been redeemed!

Oh wow. So speaking of being redeemed, was there any moment in the past season that you're somewhat embarrased by?

Hulk Hogan: Let me tell you, brother. The fact that after being the world champion eleven the only wrestler that wants to hang out with me is Nasty Boy Brian Knobbs. And I have a feeling he's only around to drink the Hulkster's beer, brother.

Reverend Run: You think that's bad. How about spending your time finding the hypest rap crew, with the flyest name, Union Turnpike, then introduce them to your media-mogul brother, and he discovers that they're totally talentless and thinks you're a bit insane on top of that? U be illin' Hogan, u really be illin'.

Hulk Hogan: Dookie!?

Has the series done anything for your other family members?

Hulk Hogan: Let me tell you, brother. The Hulkster's daughter is just about ready to be the next Britney Spears, except her chest is real. As real as my 6'8 frame, brother.

Reverend Run: I would say my whole family has gained alot, as they have seen their father lead by example as I put them all to a competitive battle for a hunnid nallas.

Hunnid nallas?

Reverend Run: Hunnid nallas!

Do you mean a hundred dollars?

Reverend Run: Yes. God is love.

Right. What can we expect of the next season from your shows?

Hulk Hogan: Expect the Hulkster to return to the ring and have five star matches where I outwrestle Chris Benoit, brother. All the little Hulkamaniacs will cheer as I flex my 24 inch pythons for one final time brother!

And you Reverend Run?

Reverend Run: I won't stop rocking til I retire!

I though you had in fact retired?

Reverend Run: Then I'll stop rocking. God is love.

I noticed the two of you are wearing the same gold watch, much like Eddie Murphy and Johnny Gill have on the same male-bracelet as they go out, any specific reason for that?

Hulk Hogan: Hey, just because wrestling is homoerotic doesn't mean the Hulkster takes a walk on the wild side, brother. That one time with Pat Patterson was just to get my career started.

All right, all right, to end on a positive note, got a message to the fans out there?

Hulk Hogan: Train, say your prayers and don't continue wrestling with a false knee and hip.
Reverend Run: False hip? How 'bout a game of hoop Hulk? I'll play you for a hunnid nallas!

Run's House and Hogan Knows Best can be seen on MTV Nordic here in Scandinavia. The second seasons of the shows should be airing this summer. Make sure to check Run's website to listen to his new music, and read his daily words of wisdom. RIP JMJ and Andre The Giant.

Shoutout to all y'all motherbloggers + myspace-profile!

2006-03-07T15:13:00.000+01:00

Well well, they said it was a pipe-dream. Noone wanted to hear about neither hiphop, the simpsons nor wrestling. Yet here we are, around 30 (thirty!) tune into the blog each and every day to see what's going on. This is the moment, where I take time out to thank all the people, that are sending readers my way by having me on their blog, website or whatever else media that generates links:

Frednukes: my talented friend who is as passionate about tv-watching as myself. Once we contemplated making a duo called Cable Guys, cause we like tv + we're as annoying as Jim Carey in that movie.

Kimblim: Caretaker and general manager of hiphop.dk. Known to his friends and enemies as Kim-internet, and constantly gets stalked by cleaning ladies at work.

Krede: Professional wrestler from Denmark. Do I need to write it again? Professional wrestler from DENMARK!?

Per.tv: Home of Per Vers, the incredible, lyrical and original.

Ane Marte: Miss Kensington, who now recides at Berkeley University in California. More on that campus in a coming update.

Opsang.dk: Who host my files and will eventually be the home of Jokke I'et, a nice young man.

Dennis Flux: Wrestling fanatic and younger brother of Orama, my one time partner in rhyme.

Rapspot.dk: Recently mentioned me in an update about blogging, generating mad traffic.

Startout.dk: Dol Gun makes sure the hip-hop, the simpsons and wrestling blog gets nuff mentions!

Benno.newsvine.com: Political aware blogger that mentioned our battle for evil corporation owner supremacy.

That be it. I thank the people behind the linking from the bottom of my heart. Or maybe even below the heart, in the subcockle area. Maybe from the liver, maybe the kidney. Maybe even from the colon, I don't know. But thank you!

In other moves. I've gotten a myspace profile. That means you can check some rhyme and reason from yours truly on myspace.com/petepta. Make sure to add me as a friend on there, and everything will be freshfest like it was 86 again!

There's a horse in the hospital: the return of Dr. Octagon

2006-03-05T19:32:00.000+01:00

Here at the hiphop, the simpsons & wrestling blog we love us some Kool Keith. Maybe it deals with the fact that the creator of the blog - me - was born on Jupiter similar to Dr. Octagon. Well, actually not born really, rather grew up on Jupiter. And it wasn't excactly on the planet it was on a street named Jupitervej, but still - you can see the connection.

Kool Keith has always been good for a gimmick or two, Fly Ricky The Winetaster definitely being the most underrated, but his most famous to date has been Dr. Octagon. He's now resurfaced in new form. Even though he was killed on the Dr. Dooom album, he's apparently returned from outer space and twisted the letters of his name into Mr. Nogatco - short for National Objectives for Governmental Astral-Terrestrial Covert Operations. Phew. Anyways you can peep the site and Keith doing his dang here. Rumours have it Mr. Hill from Oldominion will be producing on it. He's not Dan The Automator, but he's fresh in his own right.

Also, to celebrate this I'd like to share a little Kool Keith history with my fellow motherbloggers, so here for your viewing pleasure is the extended video version for Ultramagnetic MC's Traveling at the Speed of Thought. And if that wasn't enough here's a soundbite from arguably the funniest freestyle session of all time with Kool Keith and Xzibit as captain crazy ruins freestyle after freestyle by making up different sandwiches!

Kamala: the Ugandan Spam Giant

2006-03-05T19:08:00.000+01:00

In more crazy email news, I recently received a letter from Kamala. Kamala is possibly the closest thing wrestling has come to a utterly racist, minstrel angle. He's this 350 lbs giant from Uganda, who debuted in the 80's, at a time where Uganda was probably most known for its cannibal-dictator Idi Amin.

Thought up in the USWA by Jerry The King Lawler he's based on every stereotype the King could find is National Geographic about the natives of Africa. He feuded with Hulk Hogan at houseshows in the late 90's and returned to the WWF in the 90's to take on a feud with the Undertaker. Kamala figured the pale mortician would make an excellent potroast, but sadly the Ugandan giant was deadly affraid of coffincases leading to his loss in the battle. It actually culminated at Wembley Stadium for the 92 Summer Slam a then 12-year-old Peter PTA was lucky enough to witness.

I dunno if that's the reason Kamala sent me this e-mail about penis-enlargement, but I thank him anyway.

Wrestlers reveal their favorite rappers

2006-02-08T22:12:00.000+01:00

You may have read certain wrestlers aren't too fund of rappers. Mr. Perfect said flat out rap was crap before his untimely death and Diamond Dallas Page went ahead and sued Jay-Z for throwing up "the roc" years after DDP had originated the hand sign. So aren't there any wrestlers that actually like rappers? No...stupid, but to correct that wrong, I took it upon myself to make up some that do. So remember to click the individual entries on the top ten as hilarious pics will unfold. Behold, here's the top ten:

10: Andre The Giant likes Andre The Giant.

Fairly obvious, why wouldn't the 7'4, 500 lbs + giant from the French Alpes enjoy some snot-nose from the Bronx ripping off his name. Especially since Andre the Giant from Show and AG is the size of three apples stacked onto eachother. But as he once cheekily remarked: "not a giant in height, on the strength I'm a giant in length."

9: Stone Cold Steve Austin likes Beatnuts.

Why? Cause they're stone crazy, that's why!

8: Hacksaw Jim Duggan likes Busta Rhymes.

That's right, America's protector with his trusty 2x4 is a fan of Busta Rhymes. At least I imagine he would be after Busta rapped: "Busta Rhymes is like Hacksaw Jim Duggan" on Pharoahe Monch's Simon Says Remix. No explanation why he thought himself to be like the cockeyed one-move wrestler always sporting the red-white-and-blue, but after such a compliment, how could Jim Duggan not like Busta, tough guy? Hooooooooooo!

7: Kurt Angle likes Dilated Peoples.

Cause they work the Angles - sharp and precise! And that's how the decorated olympian gets down to business as well, oh it's true!

6: Barbarian likes Bo$$ Hogg Barbarians.

A fairly new alliance of rappers and wrestler, but a good one none the less. While the wrestling barbarian was more of the old school fur-covered, face paint sporting kind the Bo$$ Hogg Barbarians seem more into foul language and cars. But hey, at least J-Zone sported a fur a million times cheaper than Barbarians attire when he played at Loppen.

5: Kane likes Big Daddy Kane.

It's a Big Daddy / Big Red Machine Thing. Undertaker's long-lost (and/or burnt and killed) brother certainly knows if there are two things that aren't easy it's pimping and remembering to always keep your mask on. Oh well, seems he forgot the last part and became a midcarder. Wrath of Kane!

4: Legion of Doom like MF Doom.

The Road Warriors Hawk and Animal shouldn't be able to recist everyone's favorite underground rapper. Even from beyond the grave you can just hear Hawk screaming: "Dangerdoom? RRRRRWWWHaaat A RUSH!"

3: Tito Santana likes Juelz Santana.

Mexico's favorite son, the prince of Tijuana, Tito Santana has to mark out for Juelz Santana. Afterall Juelz is a Diplomat and now that Tito's career as a wrestler seems over he must do something to keep the green card intact. Arriba la Dip Set!

2: Who likes Redman.

Well, Jim Neidhart always was about as mental as the Funk Doctor, and to top it off, today's Jim Neidhart's birthday. Congrats Anvil!

1: Undertaker likes Gang Starr.

The next time Taker steps in the arena, he better recite the eulogy words I manifest or it'll be a Full RIP for the dead man! Why? Cause there are so many spots - but they're hard to urn.

Mr. Burns Vs. Hr. Møller: battle for evil corporation owner supremacy (updated!)

2006-01-29T20:19:00.000+01:00

In the spirit of tonight’s Royal Rumble I decided the hip-hop, the simpsons and wrestling blog would play host to its very own showdown. Regular readers may recall I’ve already covered the similarities shared by Springfield’s Mr. Burns and Howard Hughes of The Aviator fame. However, it has come to my attention that Mr. Burns has much more in common with another business-man much closer to home, none other than our very own Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller!

At first encounter, the former head of the Mærsk and AP Møller empire may seem as your average, although slightly upperclass, grampa. But make no mistake, when it comes to big business Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller can get down and dirty with the worst of them. But to make sure there aren’t any questions as to who has the upper hand, I decided to let Mr. Burns and Hr. Møller duke it out in an eight round fight for the title evil corporation owner supremacy, let’s go!

Round one: Name and Age

Mr. Burns:
Full name: Charles Montgomery Burns
Age: 104

Hr. Møller:
Full name: Arnold Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller
Age: 92

Winner – Mr. Burns
Not only does his name ring more evil, he’s also beat Møller by nearly a decade of evil corporation owner doings.

Round two: Catchphrases

Mr. Burns:
“Excellent!”
“Release the hounds!”

Hr. Møller:
“Rettidig omhu” (Accurate display of timely precision)
“Hvor har vi det godt, og hvor har vi fortjent det!” (How blessed we are, and how we deserve it)

Winner – Mr. Burns
One again our Springfield slugger is simply better at the bat than his Danish adversary. While Hr. Møller is able to combat “Excellent” with two just as self-absorbed catchpheases of his own, there’s nothing that says evil corporation owner as “Release the hounds!” does.

Round three: German affiliation

Mr. Burns:
Speaks fluent German and sold the Springfield Nuclear Powerplant to the Germans.

Hr. Møller:
The A.P. Møller company was one third owner of The Riffle Syndicate that sold arms to the Germans during World War II.

Winner – Hr. Møller
Finally the stretchy Scandinavian rolls into action. There’s simply no better way to make your company seem evil than supporting the losing team in a war, way to go!

Round four: Heir to the throne.

Mr. Burns:
Has illegitimate son Larry (voiced by Rodney Dangerfield), but doesn’t seem to want him as a successor. Once tried for Bart Simpson as would-be heir but again failed. Spends most of his time with a closet homosexual.

Hr. Møller:
Has three daughters, none of whom seemed interested in following in dad’s footsteps. Left Mærsk to be run by , proving this might be the end of the family dynasty.

Winner – Tie
Clearly none of our evil corporation owners have managed to provide an heir – they must not have been up on their duties, and at age 90+ it seems a little late.

Round five: Harassment of local community

Mr. Burns:
Once blocked out sunlight in Springfield in an attempt to cash in on rising electricity use.

Hr. Møller:
Tried to block website gangster-maersk on copyright infringement charges. Lost the case.

Winner – Mr. Burns
While both men surely do their share of underhanded business, Mr. Burns is just much more public with his intentions to harass.

Round six: Mythological connection

Mr. Burns:
May or may not be a vampire

Hr. Møller:
May or may not be a vampire

Winner - Tie

Round seven: Architectural landmarks

Mr. Burns:
Built The Monty Burns Casino, using his own money.

Hr. Møller:
Built the new Danish national opera, using his own money. Then wrote it off on his company’s taxes, overruled the renowned architect, and turned said opera building into the world’s largest toaster-oven.

Winner – Hr. Møller
Definately way more evil business corporation owner-like to use his love of grandscaled building as a tax-cut.

Round eight: Political ties

Mr. Burns:
Had Jimmy Carter and George Bush Sr. at his 90’s birthday. Is head of Springfield’s local Republican party.

Hr. Møller:
Sends threatening handwritten letters to the Danish prime minister whenever something rubs him the wrong way.

Winner – Hr. Møller
Another victory for the old Dane. Clearly it’s much more evil to not even be politically active and still have the entire political system dancing to the tune of your pied pipe.

So there we have it, Mr. Burns won on age, catchphrase and local harassment, while Hr. Møller won German affiliation, local harassment and architectural landmark. Heir to the throne and vampire rumours both ended in ties, bringing us to a grand total of 3-3 in the battle between Hr. Møller and Mr. Burns for evil corporation owner supremacy. Maybe we should have a rematch later on when either of the gentlemen displays his evilness yet again.

Until then, release the hounds!

*UPDATE*

Just when I thought it was all over, the tie can apparently be broken already:

Round nine - personal assistent

Mr. Burns:
Perfectionist closet homosexual, who follows his employer's every wink.

Hr. Møller:
Perfectionist closet homosexual AND crossdresser, who follows his employer's every wink.

Winner - Hr. Møller!!

Yes it took a final round for him to beat Springfield's oldest son, but he did it. Hr. Møller is officially evil corporation owner supreme!

Jay-Z is Fraggle ROC?!

2006-01-19T20:39:00.000+01:00

Who doesn't know and love Gobo, Wembley and the other inhabitants down at Fraggle Rock, not to mention Sprocket, The Gorgs and...and...and, ah all those memories. Yet I had no idea there was a rappin' Fraggle 'til Cam'ron of Dip Set was nice enough to point it out.

That's right, all the Jiggaman talk about "The ROC" may actually have been about Fraggle Rock, as Killer Cam shares his discovery that Jay-Z resembles a Fraggle a great deal. He does this on the outro for the track "You Gotta Love It", his first in a line of many future jabs at the Def Jam president. Apparently most of the beef stems from Cam taking Dame Dash's side in the beef over Rocafella, but it could go all the way back to Jay-Z's alledged stapping of Lance "Un" who was Cam's boss at Untertainment at one point.

The song isn't all that. There are a few fun lines about Jigga turning the big 4-0 a couple years back, (Freeway did it much better when he dissed Jaz-O with: "You're like the bottle dropped in Menace (II Society) - fourty and broke.") He also expands on the old-ass metaphor by making fun of Jay-Z wearing sandals in public. This woulda been way funnier had he fused with with Nas' constant camel-disses to Jigga and called him "camel-toes." Or maybe not.
While I love Cam and Dipset in generally (especially JR Writer!) I don't see this beef going too many places. Jigga's busy burning up guestappearences and being friends with Nas. Now if those two were to get at Cam, then we'd really be in business!

"Pussy so deep, a n!gga thought he found Fraggle Rock" - Ras Kass

Meanwhile in other hip-hop, the simpsons and wrestling related news, Diamond Dallas Page, former WCW champion and all round legendary wrestler is suing Jay-Z for using the ROC-diamond handsign. Diamond Dallas Page has used this sign in public for ages - see him doing it here (also refering to his finisher as the Diamond Cutter). I really don't see how Jigga can win this battle. Though it is slightly ironic that a rapper would get suid for waving gangsigns!?

"Doing all sorts of twisted shit with they fingers" - Jay-Z

Storm P ressurects himself as urban rap-star

2006-01-14T18:14:00.000+01:00

Now granted, hiphop has seen its Hurricane G, DJ Typhoon, hell even Kurtis Blow sounds kinda windy...but that the late Storm P. would come back as a rapper wasn't really in the cards, was it?

For those unfamiliar with the moniker "Storm P." it was the calling name of Robert Storm Petersen (1882-1948). The Danish satirist, inventor, actor etc. was known primarily for his work as the creator of daily comic-strips in newspapers and such. He was particular good at depicting the gabs between society classes and older readers of this blog (yeah, right!) may remember his Peter og Ping comic about a man and his pinguin. Even in the new milenium, his name is synonymous with drawings of crazy, complicated Wiley Coyote-styled abstract inventions. You can read more about him at the Storm P. Museum.

So what's new? Well, this has actually been brewing slowly. First I see the name "Storm P" on a DJ Clue mixtape. Then I see the name again in a Source magazine ad for some Flavor Unit release and it's starting to get creepy. Now I visit my local Blockbuster videooutlet and there the #¤%"#" is again, this time co-staring in a Queen Latifah flick, what the fluck!

With a little help from Google, it turns out Storm P is synonymous with Quran Pender. The rapper-slash-actor got his start with Queen La's Flavor Unit (a New Jersey based hiphop company predating 50's G-Unit with about 15 years). He was a part of their younger posse, geniusly titled "The Unit" and released an album with them. He also worked on music for the movie "Chicago", and now he's all up in "The Cookout" playing an NBA-cat at a picnic gone horribly wrong.

Apparently the movie went horribly wrong as well (read review here). But I, for one, am rooting for young Storm P. to do his thing until he reaches a status where he gets the attention of the Danish media. That way they can steal this mistaken identity story from me, much like they did the one about the Royal monogram and Funk Flex's logo.

Mutha made 'em, mutha blog 'em!

Bumrush The Show – How to get on open mics 101

2006-01-13T18:47:00.000+01:00

Originally this blog was intended mainly as an outlet for me to brag about my undertakings. Along the way I somehow forgot to go for the gusto, so this is the first in a line of posts about accomplishments in various fields I’ve reached over the years. The first entry is about my sharing microphones with famous rap-stars.

As you readers may or may not know, I’ve been rapping for a number of years here in Denmark, and freestyling for almost as many. Yet it wasn’t until I moved to Copenhagen, I found out how easy it is to get on stage during rapshows. You don’t need to put out an album, you don’t need promotion, god donut, you don’t even need to be booked. All you have to do is wave your hand and slamdance your ass to the stage as soon as the rapper shouts “Any MC’s in the house?!” I used to think it was kinda lame to represent, but now I actually feel it’s obligatory to step up if you can. It can really be quite a fresh touch on the show, I particularly remember Nappion from Aarhus rhyming with Mad Skillz, this Icelandic rapper really impressing at a Common Sense show, and recently this kid in front row doing a perfect Wu-verse with Method Man. Also, I can’t forget my girlfriend Mismarie serving competition at a memorable Bahamadia show. But hey, this was supposed to be about me! So here’s a list of rappers whose show I’ve bumrushed.

Tha Alkaholiks: My first attempt to get on stage and it sucked. By the time I got up there, it turned out it was a drinking contest and some chick had taken my place.

Erick Sermon: This was actually the most fun. 2 years ago Erick Sermon was booked for a show with legendary underground heroes Ultramagnetic MC’s and one hit wonders Fanny Pack. Naturally only Erick and the P (as in Pack, not Parrish) show up. So Erick does his show and it’s pretty good, especially "React", "Music" and whatever EPMD material he did, but then he asks if there are any rappers in the house. The first dude on stage is actually Bukki from the legendary Danish funk-rap band U.R.D. Somehow Erick rejects this guy (woulda been great hearing him again) and instead chooses me. Little does he know, it’s my birthday, and yes I’ve been drinking Bacardi like it’s my…forget it. Anyways I do 8 bars where I manage to insult Sermon and rhyme: “I represent for the culture, everybody knows we only showed up to hear Ultra”. after that Erick quickly snatched the mic away and looked at me angrily with his slightly lazy green eyes.

Tim Dog: Happened at Rust I think this summer. Tim Dog’s show was hot, everybody sang along with “Fuck Compton” like they had wrote the shit, and when he asked for MC’s ain’t too many dared 'step to him' (if you know what I mean). So I get up and do a quick freestyle, and since it’s for Tim Dog I rap a little about his history and all. While you may think Tim Dog is this angry unfuckwithable character it turned out he was really humble and gave me applaus and shouted: “That was nice. My man came off the dome!” He also signed autographs as you may have read so that whole night was smooth. There’s a review of it here.

Funkdoobiest: This was during their show in Vega. Apparently Tomahawk Funk hasn't been part of the show for ages, so it was down to Sun Doobie and DJ Ralph The Funky Mexican. Sun Doobie was great, he was real skinny but would do Hulk Hogan poses flexing his non-existing muscles between songs, and Ralph The Funky Mexican blended electro with DJ Ugerløse-type powerscratch at all chances. Fresh! Sad thing was they only had like a half hour show, so their hypeman tried to get people from the crowd to rhyme – and he got me. At that point Sun Doobie had left the stage, but I did manage to talk about Ralph’s haircut and other stuff...
A lot of other stuff as a matter of fact. I was drunk off of Hennessey at the time, and I think I kept going way past the intended timeslot. Still fun to have been rhyming with the Soul Assassins…Almost. Read review here.

Last Emperor: He actually invited me on stage. He didn’t have a DJ with him and he needed someone to pause and fast-forward his CD for the show. So while I didn’t get to rhyme with Emp, he rhymed about me, something to the effect of: “I got my man on the beat, and his name is Pete”. Yeah Emp! While that was great in itself we also played a mean game of table fussball making it a truly memorable experience.

So that’s the list of mics shared with greatness, and if you wanna follow suit it’s real easy:

First of all you have to be fairly close to the stage around 35 minutes into the show, ‘cause they’ll do the mic either then or after the encore.

Second, have a rhyme prepared if you don’t want to freestyle.

And third, make sure you’re drunk enough to not freeze up, but sober enough to remember a line or two.

Breaking news: Bart Simpson is a Scientologist!

2006-01-13T17:47:00.000+01:00

Yeah that’s right, the radical, ‘don’t have a cow man’, ‘eye curumba’ El Barto is a member of L Ron Hubbard’s church of Scientology. This may not be news to the American readers (assuming there are any) but in oblivious little Denmark, this piece of information sure hasn’t been shared much. The deal is this, Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson (yes Bart is voiced by a 40-something woman, get over it) has been a member of Scientology for years. You can read an interview in which she comments on it here.

What’s kinda nuts about it, is that while The Simpsons has been Bible-bashing, Quaran-crashing and Tora-torching for ages, there have hardly been any mentions of Scientology. There was a show called “The Joy of Sect” where an L Ron Hubbard like character brainwashes America’s favorite dysfunctional family, but that’s about it. Unless you count dubious remarks like Reverend Love Joy calling the band Iron Butterfly >>I. Ron Butterfly<<, or Apu complaining: “Oh, who needs the infinite compassion of Genisha, when I have Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman staring at me with their dead eyes!”

One of the more subtle comments could be when Lisa and Bart are trying to explain to Side Show Bob he’s merely playing second fiddle in a greater scheme:

Bart: "You were just Barlow's lackey."
Lisa: "You were Ronny to his Nancy!"
Bart: "Sonny to his Cher!"
Lisa: "Ringo to his rest of the Beatles!"

Ronny to his Nancy is of course a reference to former presidential couple Ronald and Nancy Reagan, but it could also be an inside joke hinting at L:Ron(ny) Hubbard and Nancy Cartwright.

In any case, even though I’m all for the freedom to pick your own religion, hobby, sexual orientation and so forth, I find it just a little eerie that the selfproclaimed "devil in a red shirt", Bart Simpson is somehow related to Tom Cruise, John Travolta and all the other Scientologists secretly lurking whilst staring at our society…with their dead eyes!

Homer Simpson sez: "MMMMM pizza!"

2005-11-27T14:47:00.000+01:00

Having a girlfriend rules. Having a girlfriend that buys me merchandise from The Simpsons is damn near garden of Eden. So it was only right to become overtly ecstatic at the joyous occation where I got this precious thingamagic:

The Homer Simpson pizza slicer, what an invention! When you slice the pizza Homer will say stuff like: "The most beautiful word in the English language: PIZZA!", "When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza-pie - that's amore!", "PIZZA, if it tastes good, it must be good for you" and my personal favorite "Pizza meets the requirements of the five food groups - it even counts as a pie!"

Needless to say I cooked up a salami-pizza before noon and we got down to business! Now I just have to figure out how to get these Homer Simpson slippers my friend Morten Spotgun bought himself in Florida. Lucky fugger!

Fona gives hiphoppers the A-HA experience

2005-11-27T14:27:00.000+01:00

Now, before I go into my rant, let it be known that ever since Fona gave me a PSP and 5 games for rapping 15 minutes at a company party they've been AOK with me. But this simply will not stand. Sometimes, someone has to draw a line somewhere in the sand. This ain't Nam, it ain't even The Falklands and I'm not going to take it!

Imagine if you will, the mothers, fathers, uncles, grandparents and significant others in general out there wishing to buy presents for the hiphopper in the family. They get Fona's ad-mag in the mail, and think, what an easy way to locate the perfect gift for the family black sheep. Naturally they look to the rap section - cheekily titled "rap julemusik". Here we find 50 Cent, Jokeren, Outlandish, Gorillaz, LOC and... A-HA!?

That's right, A friggin Ha of Take On Me fame are listed as rap?! Next thing you know Bent Fabric is jungle and Bing Crosby is grime?! I urge all the muthabloggers out there to go to Fona, and voice your complaint, so we can all avoid getting the A-HA Analogue album for X-mas.

To send you off on a pleasant vibe, here's DJ Yoda's remix of Take On Me from the How To Cut And Paste The 80's mixtape!

Letter from Pat Patterson

2005-11-27T14:12:00.000+01:00

So a regular day at the office aka the room we've put the PC in. I'm checking my mail, nothing special. But then I find I've gotten a letter from non other than WWF's very first Intercontinental Champion Pat Patterson.

Pat Patterson got the IC belt in a tournament held in Rio de Janeiro (actually they didn't have a tournament, they just told the fans back home that, so they could hand out titles.)

He wrestled some classic matches against the likes of Ted Dibiase and a cage confrontation with Sgt Slaughter. He's probably most famous though, for being a major force behind the scenes, where he's worked as Vince Mcmahon's right hand man. Well, that and the fact that he's extremely homosexual, hits on the young wrestlers and has a had a year-long relationship with the Brooklyn Brawler. What'd ol Pat want to talk about? Well as you can tell by this copy of the mail, he's apparently become a spammer of sorts.

Oh well, we can't all end our careers on a high-note.

Mr. Perfect sez: "Rap Is Crap"!

2005-11-18T13:01:00.000+01:00

Fat Joe said it best once: "Rap is like the WWF". This might explain why I love both, and can't wait 'til someone famous says: "Rap and wrestling are like The Simpsons". As the loyal Hip-Hop, The Simpsons & Wrestling muthabloggers out there might have noticed, wrestlers have used rap-gimmicks for years, so it came as somewhat of a shock when Mr. Perfect aka Curt Hennig flatout stated: "Rap is crap!"

The wrestler not only said this back in 1999, but along with a crew called The West Texas Rednecks (Curt himself was from Minnesota) recorded an entire song dedicated to rap being crappy with such memorable lines as:

"I like country music / I love country girls
I like Willie Nelson / and don't forget about Merle
There's only one thing that I hate
Cuz it's a bunch of crap / I, I, I hate rap!"

Now you may think that an avid rapfan such as myself would have been offended by this song, but bare in mind that wrestling's all about gimmicks and playing the role as best as you can. Add onto that, that at the time Perfect was fueding with a wrestling fraction called The No Limit soldiers led by Master P no less, and it's pretty obvious which side I'm on. Yihaaaah! To their credit No Limit luckfully didn't consist of Mystikal and Mia X getting into action, but skillful Mexican wrestlers such as Konnan and Rey Mysterio, but still, feel free to hate any kind of musical express that ends in what sounds like bowel movement. UUUUGGHHH!

For those of you not familiar with Curt Hennig he's the son of ring-legend Larry The Axe Hennig, a 350 lbs bull-sized wrestler, known for giving Rowdy Roddy Piper his first match (which lasted all of 13 seconds) and roughing up a young version of The Road Warriors when they refused to sell opponents' offense. After learning the craft in AWA Curt Hennig traveled to the then WWF, became Mr Perfect, a character known for executing moves with perfect precession, being overtly arrogant and generally a very entertaining technical wrestler.

Even rappers recognized this, for instance I still remember a dude getting Source's Unsigned Hype for the line "Grinning like Curt Hennig, when I'm winning", and aside Last Emperor he's the only rapper I've wanted to check out to simply because of reading his lines. If anyone remembers who it was, please post it here.

Sadly Curt Hennig passed away in 2003 due to a cocaine overdose, an addiction he alledgedly aquired after his many injuries due to high-risk bumps taken in the ring. According to this tribute to Curt "Rap Is Crap" was played at his funeral.

Right-click, DL and listen to the golden country singer-song-writer hit "Rap Is Crap" here!

Let Me Show You Whose Ass Is The Blackest??!!!

2005-11-10T22:34:00.000+01:00

”KRS-One specializes in music”…okay! But the last couple of years have made it painstakingly clear that the Blastmaster has an entirely different focus as well – the rear section, the buttocks, the hiney, the pleasure pillow or the good ol’ ass!! In fact so much so that lately he’s made more references to acts involving people’s behinds than he has laid claims to to be Number One (I guess ‘number two’ would be more appropriate).

Back in the Boogie Down Productions days it wasn’t like that. KRS-One would rap on his merry way about the danger of beef, self destruction, white people and wack MC’s. He may have had a little hint at what was to come on BDP’s “We In There”, but it was nowhere near full bloom. When the crew crumbled something weird happened; on each and every guest appearance Kris made, he injected dubious comments about asses. Allow me to demonstrate:

“Pick up the mic or automatic either way I won't have it / I cover the whole gamit / Mic I'll rap it leaving with your ass out like a faggot” – Tim Dog feat. KRS-One, “I Get Wreck” (1993)

“Rewind a minute – that ass, let me get way up in it” KRS-One on Funkmaster Flex’s 60 Minute’s Of Funk Mixtape (1995)

“You can't last, just call me enema, cause I'll be in that / ass-teroid, heaven to merkatroid” – Chubb Rock feat. KRS-One, “The Mind” (1997)

“Don't slip with your lip talking shit with your clip / Showing your ass as I blast into it” – Poor Righteous Teachers feat. KRS-One “Conscious Style” (1997)

“Snitch ass, here’s a quick class, I'm the blast master cause I blast and whip ass” Sway & Tech feat. KRS-One “Anthem” (1999)

“I leave that ass sizzling, I’m giving more rhythm than gang-rapes in prison” -DITC feat. KRS-One “Drop It Heavy” (1999)

Now these are by all means great lyrics, but it seems KRS has developed a fairly large anal fetish, and of course it had to rub off on the verses on his solo albums. Here are a few examples:

“Some people may not like KRS-One but they must respect him, cause they know the kid gets all up in they rectum” - KRS-One “MC’s Act Like They Don’t Know ” (KRS-One, 1995)

“Let me show ya whose ass is the blackest“ - KRS-One “MC’s Act Like They Don’t Know ” (KRS-One, 1995)

“Old styles I pass dat, slow down on fast rap / All in yo' ass crack” - KRS-One “Step Into A World” (I Got Next, 1998)

Wow, conscious Kris sure gets dirty with it. All that’s well and good, we’re all allowed to have our preferences, and hey, just cause he dance the go-go, that don’t make him a homo. it’s just weird then that KRS would actually try to lash out at other people for being into a piece of ass like himself. As he said on Fat Joe’s (ironically nick-named Joey Crack) sophomore album:

“Rap magazine dating back to, Tougher than Leather / The only reason you got, such an extensive rap collection / ‘Cause most of your rap mags are all stuck together” - Fat Joe feat. KRS-One “Bronx Tale” (Jealous One’s Envy, 1995)

The song is fittingly titled, I might add, since KRS from the sound of it has never passed on a Bronx Tail himself. But seeing as he’s apparently anti-masturbation, it’s a puzzle what the master actually blasts in real life?!

I guess there’s no real conclusion to this piece, other than the fact KRS may not be in favor of neither sex nor violence, but will beat up some ass quicker than you can say "PM Dawn!".

PS: This article is in no way an attempt to bash homosexuals, it’s okay to be gay! It is, however, intended to poke fun at the fact that certain people who make anti-gay comments on a regular basis seem rather preoccupied with male asses themselves.

The Long Awaited Update! Kool Keith comes to town!

2005-11-09T09:57:00.000+01:00

I can't believe it's been this long. Borat hosted the MTV Europe Awards, The Simpsons ran a full episode of Bart in 8 Mile-mode and wrestling's just getting crazier than Ultimate Warrior by the event.

Never the less the only real update I have for y'all is that I've finally gotten my Kool Keith autograph back!!! Some of you may recall the autograph I got back when I was like seventeen has long since vanished along with my Dr Octagon Mo Wax original. But fret not muthabloggers cause if there's one thing that's for certain, it's that when rappers run out of hits, they come running to Copenhagen.

As was the case with Keith. I was set to write a review of the concert and possibly do an interview with him. As far as the review, that went all good (read it here if you're up on Danish), but as usual when it's big name artists (Angermanagement Tour, Nas, KRS-One etc.) the interview for various reasons didn't happen. Never-the-less after the concert finished I ran across the stage and saw Keith still hanging out with the blondie he caught during the "where all the lovely ladies at?"-segment of the show. He signed the Masters of Illusion album (which is now complete) posed for a picture, and even complimented my "Greatest Wrestling Stars Of The 80's"-T-shirt. What a man, wooo!

Anyways, there'll be more updates of the blog during the weekend, and I'm even contemplating getting a domain for it, so I can host music, film and such!

Underground Hip Hop vs. Mainstream

2005-09-02T00:49:00.000+02:00

The Hip-Hop, The Simpsons & Wrestling blog has it's very first guestwriter! I encountered The Pza at the Wrestlecrap-forum. He had a giant pic of KRS-One on his profile, so I figured since we share a love for Hip-hop and wrestling he might have something interesting to contribute. He sure did, and now I just wonder if he's into The Simpsons. Here goes:

So I'm talking to a good friend yesterday about music. More specifically who the greatest MC of alltime is. I gave him my opinion and reason (FYI it was Immortal Technique) when he cuts me off, "So you meanto tell me you think some underground MC who NOONE has ever heard of is greater than Snoop Dogg?" I laughed. My laughter, however, was cut short when I noticed theserious look on his face... "Oh my God, you areserious aren't you?" he responded, "Of course I am...Look, Snoop has sold millions of records, he is a household name, and he has his own line of clothes, that equals success and in turn that makes him the greatest MC of all time." I was taken aback, shocked, appalled, I just couldn't believe that someone would be so ignorant to the true meaning of hip hop.

Let's, just for fun, examine the lyrics of Snoop and Immortal Technique.

SNOOP:

"Cement shoes/ Now I'm on the loose/ Now your family's cryin' / Now your on the news/ They can't find you/ And now they miss you/ Must I remind you/I'm only here to twist you"

Okay, so Snoop just killed some dude and he doesn't care about the family of this person.

IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE:

"This shit is run by fake Christians, fake politicians /
Look at they mansions, then look at the conditions youlive in /
All they talk about is terrorism on television /
They tell you to listen, but they don't really tell you they mission /
They funded Al-Qaeda, and now they blame the Muslim religion /
Even though Bin Laden, was a CIA tactician /
They gave him billions of dollars, and they funded his purpose /
Fahrenheit 9/11, that's just scratchin' the surface"

Wow, a huge difference huh? Now I will say that Snoop is the most successful MC of all time. But that, by no means, makes him the greatest of all time... Just a little food for thought. And I'll leave you with another ImmortalTechnique lyric to ponder:

"They say the rebels in Iraq still fight for Saddam /
But that's bullshit, I'll show you why it's totally wrong /
Cuz if another country invaded the hood tonight /
It'd be warfare through Harlem, and Washington Heights /
I wouldn't be fightin' for Bush or White America's dream /
I'd be fightin' for my people's survival andself-esteem /
I wouldn't fight for racist churches from the south,my nigga /
I'd be fightin' to keep the occupation out, my nigga /
You ever clock someone who talk shit, or look at you wrong?
Imagine if they shot at you, and was rapin' your moms /
And of course Saddam Hussein had chemical weapons /
We sold him that shit, after Ronald Reagan's election"

credit: The Pza, I LOVE JINNY PARK Ghosts are REAL... Deal with it!
Read my weblog at: http://theimmortaldsanchez.onfinite.com/

Dr. Phil lacks ring-psychology

2005-08-30T16:15:00.000+02:00

Cathy has dragged her husband Paul on the Dr. Phil show. She believes wrestling is consuming his life to the point where the obsession is hurting their marriage. Dr. Phil, displaying the tricks of the trade that made him the richest psychologist ever, addresses Paul and asks the million dollar question: “Do you know it’s not real???”

You sure got him there Phil! Paul makes up some foggy answer about parts being fake, which leads the Doctor to reveal the best kept secret of professional wrestling: “It’s just men dancing!” Dr. Phil does give brief credit to the wrestlers for being great stuntmen, but not soon after he taunts Paul again for “watching men dancing”, which in Dr. Phil’s world must equal the ultimate homoerotic act. Needless to say Paul hardly seems cured from his addiction by Dr. Phil’s revelations, but he does get tickets to a wrestling event of his choice, which pleases him, so the show ends on a high-note. However, the segment left me wondering something that in time led to me writing this column; What in the name of Superfly Jimmy Snuka does Dr. Phil think people watch professional wrestling for?

To use Dr. Phil’s dancing analogy, wrestling is men pretending to live out a battle through well-choreographed moves for artistic purposes + both wrestlers and dancers wear tights – case closed! You can’t argue that this isn’t part of professional wrestling, but it’s also a spot-on description of break-dancing. While Booker T does have a mean backspin, there is certainly more to it than that.

Paul tries desperately to give Dr. Phil a sound reason for being addicted to watching grown men playfight: He mutters that he enjoys the plot. Dr. Phil finds the mere thought of watching wrestling for the plot ridiculous. This is semi-ironic seeing as American psychologists such as Jerome Bruner advocate the idea that the human psyche organizes everything in connected stories and plots – we constantly strive to adjust our impressions so that they make sense in reasonable stories.

In wrestling we like to call those stories ring-psychology. When they make sense to us fans, even if they’re surprising, we’re watching good wrestling. When the stories are incoherent, the wrestling is bad – or to use RD Reynolds’ perfectly coined phrase: wrestlecrap.

In “New York - The Rough Guide” the author advices tourists that they should attend a wrestling event and then explains what that includes: the audience seeing the national anthem followed by a ‘real American’ kicking some foreign grabler’s butt. That’s one way of making the story coherent and relevant to the fan – but of course there are tons of others.

Stories vary in size of course. They can be as small as a wrestler constantly putting his opponents right arm under pressure – hitting it and putting it in arm locks until the adversary is worn down and ready to be subjected to a spectacular finishing move. Watching Chris Benoit beat Orlando Jones in 7 seconds isn’t really the same as him winning after a 30-minute display of scientific excellence is it? I’m pretty sure it felt like premature ejaculation to most of the viewing audience.

They can also be far bigger like Macho Man Randy Savage and Ric Flair battling over who was the true love of the late Miss Elizabeth. Even in such showdowns the story is heightened greatly when the match finally does take place – the whole building is cheering for The Macho Man and suddenly he gets a nasty leg injury instantly putting him in the role of underdog. Savage is fully aware of this, so he sells the leg injury for the rest of the match.

The injury is fake – but the story is real!

Watching wrestling should be like reading a good book or watching a play at the theatre. You know it’s a work of fiction and constantly search for the sentence where the author reveals his true colors or when the actor steps out of the role. But there are moments when wrestling captivates us to the point where we feel we’ve stepped inside the ring and are suffering or basking in glory along with our favourite wrestler. Those moments are products of ring-psychology and no matter how smart marks we become, we will always feel that rush when the plot thickens in the ring.

In fact it doesn’t differ much from watching Dr Phil’s show where arguments always end with the good Doctor being right – Sorta like the Hulk Hogan of talk shows. Yet we tune in each week to see how Phil will tell off this troubled soul. We have to suspend our disbelief in order to enjoy the show though. Because it doesn’t really help Paul and Cathy that Dr Phil gives them tickets to a wrestling event of Paul’s choice, but Paul jobbed to Dr Phil and expectedly didn’t put up much of a fight, so the Sigmund Freud of Texas can celebrate his win by handing out prices. The difference between wrestlecrap and shrinkcrap is hardly noticeable.

View a brief recap of the Dr Phil show here!

P-Ditte unsurprisingly ruins the VMA's - here's the whole 9

2005-08-29T05:23:00.000+02:00

Seeing as I’ve been watching the VMA’s ever since we got a satelite-dish back when I was in 4th grade, it’s been somewhat of a tradition to stay up late Sunday, skip school Monday and check out the live broadcast, which back in the day included cursewords and all that good stuff. Usually there’d be great hosts such as Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall who kept the show flowing. In later years Chris Rock and Jimmy Fallon have added some great comedic introductions to the show. So once again I’m staying up late, to see who’s hosting and it’s
…Diddy???

Diddy does have alotta personality I guess, but he’s not funny and he seems to be constantly self-conscious. His hosting of the MTV Europe Awards were only rivaled in suckyness by Wyclef – the only man capable of being bald and having dreadlocks at the same time.

Anyways I knew I was in for a stinker, so I decided I’d take out the laptop to document the action for my long time loyal fans of the Hip-Hop, The Simpsons and Wrestling blog…so after watching The Last Samurai and whatever else crud I could come up with 02:00 rolls around and here comes – da-dadada: The VMA’s!

Here are some recaps of the actions written in real time. (as opposed to fake time?)

02:00 – Green Day set it off outside the VMA’s in Florida. The wind is blowing like a motherblogger, good thing they ain’t have the awards in New Orleans. My fave Green Day VMA moment was when they had to run off the stage ’cause Beastie Boys came in early and turned it out with Sabotage. Yeah!

02:10 – Diddy enters to recite some cornyness. Actually it’s a good introduction. He stole it from Run-DMC’s Live At The Fun House. RIP JMJ!

02:15 – Kanye gets the award for Best Male video. Mr. Cocky manages to diss Jay-Z. Smart move KaYne! When they cut to commercials Danish MTV decides to show parts of music videos. I guess even Yamba’s stupidass Axel F frog didn’t think anyone’d stay up to watch commercials this late. Joke’s on them jack, I got enough diet coke to last all night!

02:20 – Ludacris performs Pimping All Over The World. I guess it’s the sequal to Hoe’ing around the neighborhood.

02:30 – Diddy just announced it’s a classy show so he wont curse. Sissy. Then he curses some but’s it’s been bleeped out (you can tell it’s just ’fuck’ and ’shit’ and other nonoffensive cursing though). Stupid five second delay – I bet they’ll scramble the nudity as well. Afterwards he announces that he’s sellected the three best dressed men – how gay is that. To noone’s surprise they’re all black. I woulda gone with Willie Nelson – cowboy hat and braided pig-tails, you the man Willie!

02:39 – Grandmaster Flash has apparently been hired as DJ for the affair. I bet he’ll be hired as Diddy’s caddy sometime soon. Flash makes Diddy dance to Atomic Dog.

02:42 – Uncle Luke – aka Luther Campbell aka Captain Dick of 2 Live Crew - comes out real quick. Since all his songs contain the same amount of profanity as the average South Park episode he’s limited to just chanting ’Go diddy!’…Now MC Hammer’s out here. He does a fucked up version of Can’t Touch This. No big-ass pants though. Nuts. Noone enjoys it other than Jamie Foxx – maybe he really did go blind while filming Ray. People yell about hammer time, how ’bout goddamn quitting time!

02:46 – Alicia Keys predictably wins best R&B video. She’s wearing a dress displaying her lack of fun-bags.

02:49 – Shaq comes out, to the delight of the Miami fans. He’s wearing a bigger suit than TrooLS & Orgi-E. They shoulda had him doing free-throws. You got 99 freethrows and didn’t make one, holla!

02:54 – Shakira does her hit Tortura – ay ay ay, hija de puta, no me gusta.

03:00 – Leroy from Fame…sorry I mean Usher introduces Clowning Vs. Krumping – a crunk version of clowns breakdancing. To me it looks like a slightly more acrobatic version of Insane Clown Posse.

03:05 – Missy Elliot wins best dance for Lose Control. She almost looks skinnier than her current girlfriend Ciara. Remember when Marilyn Manson had his ass out at VMA’s a couple years back and Missy looked at him like he was the devil himself? 668 the neighbor of the beast!

03:08 – R Kelly performs trapped in the closet. Uh huh, water closet, Mr. Pisserino. He doesn’t even have a mic – at least the other’s pretend they’re not singing playback. Its been ages since we saw Diddy, maybe him and Hammer are trapped in a closet.

03:20 – Diddy tells us the story of his names. He jokes about changing it to Sean-ye West and Condeleeza Diddy and other nonfunnyness. I hope he changes it to P-Ditte real soon.

03:26 – Lil Kim presents an award. Her co-presenter jokes about her jail-time coming up. Nowhere near as funny as when Diana Ross jiggled her titty. Kim claims ”She’s suffered enough.” No applause.

03:29 – Ludacris wins best rap video for Number One Spot. Wackass song by a dopeass rapper, so I’m cool. I love gooold.

03:37 – Diddy is making shoutouts to people in the house. Which means all the black celebrities. He’s wearing a Notorious BIG shirt and bigs up big’s mother. Guess he’ll never rest in peace.

Now Ditte is acting like he’s conducting a symphony orchestra while Big’s ”Juicy/Dreams”-verse is playing. Ironically I don’t think Big ever performed at VMA’s. If you don’t know now you know.
Snoop is on stage doing an incredible verse on Warning. Diddy’s still acting like he’s conducting but in reality he’s just wandering around looking dumber than Jim Carey and his co-star. Jøden woulda done a better job.

03:43 – Johnny Knoxville and Common present an award and Knoxville gets Common to freestyle. Com Sense is a great freestyler but he seems kinda slow tonight. The finish ”when my video drops I soon plan / next year I’ll be walking with a moon-man”. Probably premeditated but fun nonetheless. He also made a reference to 50 Cent, who looked hella mad at being mentioned.

03:46 – A group named Fall Out Boy won an award. I wonder if they’re named after Radiative Man from the Simpsons’ sidekick Fall Out Boy, who Millhouse gets to portray in the movie version.

Argh the goggles – they do nooothing!

03:52 – Fat Joe introduces Reggae-ton music. He brings together three reggae-tonelos who have never performed together. Reggae-tonelo is a funny-ass word! One of the reggae-tonelos (let’s see how many times I get to write that) looks like a mix between Sammy Davis Junior and Humpty Hump. Daddy Yankee does Gasolina and has all of Miami screaming ”culo”. As all reggaetonelos would know it means "ass" in Taco Bellish.

3:56 – Best Hip-Hop Award is presented. MTV thinks hip-hop is rap fused with new or alternative genres. That’s kinda lame but the nominees (Common, Nas etc) are better than for the Rap Video Award. Missy wins.

3:57 - Fat Joe thanks G-Unit for all the police protection at the award show. (They’re beefing if you didn’t know) Chances of MTV asking the fat man back to present – slim.

3:58 – Diddy says something nonsensial. Meanwhile someone in the audience screams Fuck you fat motherfucker at Fat Joe. Knew it was a good idea to stay up late.

04:00 – Pharell introduces Cold Play. Pharell is wearing a plastic chain with kids pictured on it. Rumour has it R Kelly tried to piss on the chain. I’m hoping they’ll bring back the weird-looking reggaetonelo.

04:09 – Ricky Martin and Joss Stone present an award. Ricky asked Miami if they could feel The Heat. I hear this is concidered a display of great wit in washed up latino lover circles.

04:14 – Kanye West and Jamie Fox perform Gold Digger, the weakest track leaked from Late Registration so far. Remember EPMD’s version? Word. Lots of people are throwing the Roc handsign in the air. Kanye’s rapping pretty good, and he’s wearing the same sun-glasses Jay-Z wore last year – perhaps as a sign of apology for bitching ’bout Jay not paying for his three videos for one song.

04:17 – Kanye just said the ”leave your ass for a white girl”-line that was banned from Canadian radio. He coulda just said culo and puta blanca – that’s the reggaetonelo way of doing it! Money’s flying from the sky – I’m sure that’ll teach the girls to stop digging.

04:24 – Snoop Dogg introduces a comedian called Dave Cook. Apparently they dragged him out ’cause Diddy refuses to tell jokes to whitey. Fight the power!

04:29 – Diddy introduces real-life pimp Bishop Magic Juan. The normally weird-ass dressed pimp has had a Diddy make-over. Noone finds it funny, most likely ’cause noone knows who the don Bishop is.

04:32 – The young husband-cheating Desperate House Wife introduces Mariah Carey wearing a diminutive bathing suit. I bet the conversation between the two afterwards will go:

Mariah Carey: ”BITCH! Outstage me will you? I’m the only diva allowed to wear skimpy outfits!”

Desperate House Wife: ”Whatever Glitter, the coo-coo’s nest called, they wanted to know when you’ll fly back”

Styles and Jadakiss are rocking on the Mariah remix. This is fairly ironic since all Mariah’s dancers are dressed like 50 Cent in the Little Bit video. Dramaqueen or not, Mariah’s singing her ass off on an otherwise boring song.

04:45 – Lil Jon is presenting with some hot girl. He tries to hug her, but she quickly shoves his hand away. WHAT? YEAH! OKAAAAI!

04:48 – Will.I.Am and Fergie are on stage, Will tells a joke, and Fergie thinks it’s so funny she almost wets herself…not really.

04:50 – 50 Cent comes out to Disco Inferno. He’s either wearing really shiny black jeans or leather pants – how very Tyrol of him. Mobb Deep are out on stage, mad anonymous. Tony Yayo runs out, cursing his ass off, so we can’t hear anything he’s saying. Free Yayo. 50 and Yayo end their performance by saying Fuck Terror Squad and various threats totally bleeped out. Rappers should really think about not cursing when they want to diss their rivals on world-wide TV, so everyone can enjoy it.

05:02 – Lil Bow Wow and Paris Hilton are comparing diamonds. Lets hope they’re not from Sierra Leone.

05:04 – Green Day win the viewers choice award for American Idiot – the only song with a credible message this year. I guess the viewers aren’t necessarily into the Hammertime 2005 vibe P-ditte’s oozing.

05:11 – Jamie Fox starts his presentation of the presenters of video of the year by screaming ”Hi everybody”. The audience yells ”Hi doctor Nick!” in return (The first part happened). The presenters Destiny’s Child thank god, for giving them the jams to rock hard, before Green Day also take home best video for Boulevard of broken dreams. Green Day manage to be the only band adressing issues like the war in Iraq, live aid and so forth.

05:17 – Diddy’s wearing a ”God is the greatest” t-shirt now. Apparently his thank you speech is delivered by shirts this year. He introduces Kelly Clarkson who despite being a slightly more tolerable version of Avril Lavigne manages to rock pretty hard.

05:22 – Diddy finally says good bye, ending a show that was at least half an hour too long and didn’t have any kind of spectacular end-performance.

That’s the 2005 MTV Awards. The night was dominated by rap and r&b and regular music like Audio Slave and Foo Fighters seem totally left out. I’m as big a hiphop fan as anyone, but if I wanted to see rappers dissing rappers I’d order Source awards. They’d even shoved Green Day outside, what a jib. I’ll give credit to the reggae-tonelos and Mariah Carey, but other than that I think the VMA’s this year showed us how the entertainment industry has used bling bling rap as an excuse to present music without message.

Diddy was of course not only embarrasing on the mic, but also presented a show largely without humour, instead having presenters present other presenters in a never ending stream of babble. The elaborate stage-shows from previous years was replaced by a small revolving stage like the one from Les Miserables. Speaking of which all the performances aside from a few good verses by K West and Snoop were large miserable and forgettable.

Remember when Nirvana performed and Kris Novoselic hit himself in the head with his bass-guitar? Yeah. This show was nothing like that.

Marky Mark on steroids: John Cena

2005-08-27T19:32:00.000+02:00

Many people believe that after Mr. Good Vibration, Funky Bunch having Marky Mark retired from rapping he turned into Mark Wahlberg, horrible actor of Boogie Nights and Planet of the Apes infamy. Not true.

What actually happened was, after Marky Mark's shortlived rap-career and Calvin Klein add-jobs he gassed up on a crazy amount of steroids and became a professional wrestler. No shit. At least that's the only way I can explain the phenomenon that is John Cena. The current WWE champion looks like Marky Mark, dresses like Marky Mark, acts like Marky Mark and raps like Marky Mark. Well, actually that's the only difference - he raps better than Marky Mark.

But before we get to that, let me describe John Cena. Cena sports a baseball cap turned backwards, a pair of jeans cut into shorts, and a giant chain with a lock in it around his neck. His followers are known as the chain-gang, who will hoot and holla as Cena works the mic by reciting 8 Mile styled battle-rhymes like "Oh and Big Show, don't think that I forgot about you homey! He's a giant! Well I'm a giant whistle, so go ahead and blow me" to diss his opponent. His catch-phrases include You Can't See Me and Word Life. While most hip-hoppers will remember these terms as classic mid-90's rap-slang along the lines of everything is everything, these terms seem to puzzle the WWE-audience. Another popular Cena line is Ruck Fules which is funny if you're trained in the art of bakke snagvendt.

Cena started out as a heel (slang for bad guy) but turned face fairly quickly because the younger audience really enjoyed his antics. Older fans were concerned that he: dosn't look the part of a wrestler, wearing basketball boots instead of wrestling boots, devaluates the titles he holds by turning the title-belts into blingbling-styled spinners and of course the fact that his wrestling isn't too scientific and his FU finisher is just a variation of a boring fire-man's carry slam. However he's grown with the challenge and his last match at Summerslam this past weekend was fairly good.

This isn’t the first time wrestling has taken it’s cue from rap. Men On A Mission were assisted by the horrible rapper Oscar, who made MC Hammer sound like Aesop Rock and other forgettable wrestlers such as PN News have tried to use rap as a gimmick. Even veterans like Macho Man Randy Savage have cut rap-records. What makes John Cena work is that behind all the Marky Mark and Eminem gimmicks he is a certified hip-hopper.

Esoteric of 7l and Esoteric and Rebel Alliance fame remembers this about John Cena in an Artofrhyme-interview: “Trademarc would bring his cousin around every now and then and he was always this diesel muthafucker, John. Then all of the sudden he was in the World Wrestling Entertainment jumpoff and Trademarc told me he was spitting my old lyrics in the ring! So naturally we hooked up and 7L produced his ring music. The shit the crowd goes wild to every Thursday night on Smackdown, that's a 7L beat.”

This year Cena along with Trademark released a CD aptly titled “You Can’t See Me”. While out thru WWE distribution the rhymes are credible, and Cena’s not only assisted by Esoteric and Trade Mark but also Freddie Foxxx who’s diesel as hell in his own right. If you want to check a clip of Cena rhyming he’s in the “Hustler” video by veteran west coast MC Murs from Living Legends. You can even see Cena body-slamming Murs into a dumpster! Yeah!

So while you may see this as hiphop being exploited by the wrestling entertainment industry I certainly see it as a case of Marky Mark surviving the small turd otherwise known as Donnie Wahlberg's baby-brother. Hopefully wrestling will save more rappers gone actors, so in the future we can all appreciate Mos Def dropkicking competition instead of embarrasing himself like he did in Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy.

This guy at White Castle asked for my autograph...

2005-08-26T16:10:00.000+02:00

I've been collecting autographs ever since famed Danish poet and writer of childrens books Benny Andersen signed my copy of Snøvsen back in 4th grade.

When I got into hip-hop I quickly realised that artists would stay after shows and sign autographs. I also noticed that if you had brought the artist's album along (or even better bought it from his merchandice stand at the venue) the chance of getting the John Hancock heightened. For instance when I brought a 12 inch to an Arsonists show it was the first time they had seen the final print of that record so it got heavily signed. I think autographs on records are cool 'cause they tie the music together with meeting the actual artist.

Run and Jam Master Jay autographing my copy of their debut album at Rock Show in Aarhus was a pretty sweet deal. Run and DMC would mostly sign T-shirts, but Jay was walking around the crowd and seemed genuinly happy to see that old vinyl. Common Sense was another early autograph, and he added "just another case of PTA" which was a freshfest for me. On a rap-level Masta Ace writing "Death To The Wack MC's" on Slaughta House is a top autograph too. Thes One of People Under The Stairs damn near wrote an entire essay on the back of their 12 after I pointed a misspelled word out, Double K just wrote "I'm Faded".

A lot of the records I've had signed were due to me working as a helper at the Aarhus Took It hip-hop festival. Usually this involves picking the artist up at the airport and checking them into the hotel, making sure they can get to the venue and then later bringing pizzas for the festival crew. Foreign Legion were unknown to me when they arrived but they were real friendly and put on a hell of a show. Same deal with brittish Killa Kela and DJ Plus One. J-Live was a favorite rapper of mine, but he was mad stuck-up and his show wasn't that good. JuJu of Beatnuts was a pretty cool guy but he stole a buncha records from my fave. store - so screw him. MOP, Pharoahe Monch and Big Daddy Kane are some other rappers to perform @ Took It. The nicest of the bunch was Last Emperor who not only signed my records but also helped me beat Jøden and J-Hef at table-fussball and invited me on stage.

A few of my autographs are from Copenhagen shows, for instance Souls of Mischief and Smut Peddlers @ Loppen, Christiania. I actually introduced Smut Peddlers and the rest of Eastern Conference 'cause DJ Noize had failed to show. Generally I never get autographs at shows @ Vega 'cause you're not allowed to bring a recordbag into the venue, but I did manage to get Pete Rock's autograph. He musta been in a hurry cause all he wrote was PR!!!!

I've also gotten records signed during interviews like this Rise 12 inch and Dizzee Rascal's first album. Usually I don't ask for autographs while interviewing but sometimes it just seems cool to do.

Autographs vary greatly in quality. For instance I was set to interview KRS-One, but someone else took up the time I guess cause I all I got was this crappy autograph that looks nothing his cool tag. Busy Bee was also on hand at that non-happening interview. Guru on the other hand has a fine autograph style and even wrote Gangstarr 4 Eva on the album - we'll see how that turns out. Redman not only signed Whut Thee Album but also drew an extra mustache on his own image.

Some write more than others. Kut Masta Kurt and Motion Man not only signed my album but also a miniposter when I had brought to Billund Airport after their Took It show. Kurt's note read: "Peter you're a good driver but you need a new Run-DMC shirt".

More recently I've gotten autographs from Tim Dog as well as Bootie Brown and Imani of Pharcyde @ Rust. Rust is really turning out to be a cool spot for autographs cause the artists usually stay for nightclubbing.

I almost never ask for or get autographs from Danish artists which is a shame, 'cause their music is just as memorable. Gísli wrote this cheeky comment on the innersleeve at his release party.

Some of the first autographs I got were unfortunately lost (or stolen!) so my Kool Keith/Dr. Octagon autograph from his show at Aarhus' Ridehus circa. 97 is still MIA. Others like ?uestlove from Roots refused to sign autographs and instead opted to talk to the fans for a while, so he's still cool in my book. There are only a few artists I've seen live I regret not getting autographs from, mainly Kool Herc, Jay-Z and Nas. Slug from Atmosphere as well as Eyedea who I was lucky enough to freestyle with would have also been great.

I'll probably keep collecting autographs as long as I go to shows, but since I hardly ever buy new music these days. Tankpasser from Odense came up with the idea of having producers sign breaks they've sampled. I kinda like that. Maybe I'll have to switch to a plain old autograph-book.

Who is the Greater Aviator? Leonardo Dicaprio Vs. Mr Burns

2005-08-25T19:47:00.000+02:00

Everybody was hyping the Aviator - a story about excentric millionaire moviemaker and aircraft-builder Howard Hughes - like crazy around my way. Needless to say I had my doubts as Leonardo had singlehandedly ruined Gangs Of New York although Daniel Day Lewis pulled one of the greatest villain performances ever out of his ass. I sorta enjoyed The Aviator though, but I quickly realised I had seen the whole thing before - better! Where you might ask, could you catch a better Aviator than Leo's academy award nominated portrayal? Whereelse dummy, The Simpsons.

In the episode called $pringfield Mr. Burns mimics the role Howard Hughes to perfection and within a few minutes does everything that took Leonardo hours to show us. Here are some similarities:

* Burns and Leo portray businessmen venturing into new fields. Leo gets involved with the airplane- and movie industry, whereas Burns becomes a casinoowner. At first they both excell in their field of choice but slowly things worsen.

* They both become obsessed with germs to the point where it overtakes their intire lives.

* They start living in seclussion. Leo hides away in his home-cinema, and Burns stays in his monitor-room. Their personal hygine leaves much to be expected as well. Oh, and they both start storing their urine in bottles - freshfest!

* Both men have a pet-aviation project that seems insane to the common man. Leo wants to build a giant aircraft out of wood called the Sprouse Goose. Burns wants to build a miniature aircraft out of wood called the Sprouse Moose.

In the end there hardly seems to be any doubt that Mr. Burns is a far superior interpreter of Howard Hughes' life, with only one flaw. Howard Hughes was such a racist that upon learning black people had used the seats of his personal cinema he never returned to it again. Burns of course employs Carl Carlson thus showing no obvious signs of bigotry.

Burns even speaks German in several episodes. Anyone who speaks German can't be bad.

The premiere of the PTA blog for all you nasty motherbloggers out there!

2005-08-24T18:12:00.000+02:00

Welcome to the blog of Hip-Hop, The Simpsons & Wrestling. This page is meant as an outlet for my writings about the stuff I find interesting in contemporary American pop-culture.

Now I'm no great pop-art fan or particularly enjoy prog rock or any of the many other forms that American pop-culture can be found in - I just happen to like hip-hop, The Simpsons and wrestling a whole lot.

So in the future expect a bunch of updates about these subjects aswell as other crud I find interesting and possibly links to my various other undertakings.